The Deal with Real

I don't like to talk a lot about the things I go through, let alone put it on a blog?? But I want people to know I am human. Most of my life I feel like I have lived as a robot, or as a person who wished others to believe her perfect. What a terrible lie, how deceitful, and so very unkind to myself and others around me! I want to be real! And more importantly I want to be me. Some things about Brittani many people don't see right away...

I am terribly shy(but I do my darndest to mask that at any cost! Usually by the end of a conversation to anyone I am having a heart attack. People scare me, I guess I have always thought so, even as a child, but I didn't know it until my very talented therapist and I dug that out. Do you know how crazy that is? To not know something so profound about oneself until they are an adult? And then have to deal with it after years of what was "normal")

I would not trade my PTSD for anything in the world...(Whaaaa? you say. But its true, I have never known more truth, been more free, or learned so much. I still go to therapy, every couple of weeks or so, but each time I am profoundly changed for the best)

I haven't just learned to "cope", I am changed and I feel so blessed for this hard thing that Heavenly Father wanted for me. Am I better? Define 'better'. What a vague word, what does it even mean? Well, when I figure it out I will let you know :)
Anyways, here I am, in all my imperfect glory but still fighting the battle I think we all fight within ourselves. To find who we are. Life can strip away or hide the people we were meant to be. And we can spend a lifetime pretending to be someone who we are not. If we were wise, we would all wish for the day we could each look in the mirror and say "there you are...I see you now for the first time" May we love that person in their raw and true form.