A Forever Family

There is no greater peace and joy than knowing that these people are mine forever. It makes the hard days a little easier. My memorial stone for the garden reads "Special people never leave us. Even after they are gone. They live in our hearts forever. Nothing can ever break that bond"

The very long road to A Secret Garden

Today I am grateful. I am grateful for my trials. They make me unique. They make me strong. They humble me. They teach me patience. They make me realize who my true friends are.
I won't go into many details, but recently we lost someone very precious to us. It hurts every day. Grieving is a long hard road. But a road eventually goes somewhere. Hopefully somewhere more beautiful. A place of understanding and hope.
     We are building a garden. Have you ever seen The Secret Garden?

A little girl (Mary)who has endured many things including the loss of her parents finds a forgotten garden and brings it back to life. She discovers her cousin who has no will to live, and her uncle who locked the garden in his grieving. What I love about this story is that this little Mary, has suffered and endured and still found the joy in something that is changing all the time. Life is not always beautiful but it for darn sure is always changing which breathes sadness and hope. A forever turning cycle that can somehow perhaps turn a pretty face now and then.  Eventually Mary was able to unite and heal her family even in her own time of pain. Strength does not simply come from enduring trials, strength comes from learning and evolving. Adapting and remaking ourselves into a better person.  Our garden we are building, is for remembering. Remembering those who have changed us, remembering that not all hurt is always painful. That there is always hope. God is good. 

Autumn was having a hard emotional day, no matter what I said it could not console her. I said "Honey, I am sorry, you will know someday we are not trying to be mean, we love you." She cried and cried and said "I know I just don't understand!!" Stomped her foot and went to her room so sad she couldn't comprehend. I thought it was normal parenting stuff but I wished I could just link our minds so she could know that she was okay and she would know we were helping. Months later in my own grief and tears I am kneeling by my bed and sobbing in complete confusion of my situation. Begging for help and asking Father in Heaven why he was doing this to me. And I felt like my daughter, a little girl who did not understand. And then I heard my own words come from Him to one of His daughters, "Honey, I am sorry, you will know some day I am not trying to be mean, I love you." 

I have already seen the the light and blessings that come from my darkest moments. The moments I wish I could forget are the moments that empower me. They have changed me. And now I will let them anchor me to the Lord. Because each time He has steadied my tossing ship, compromised by the waves of life.