The Hardest Thing

Being a mom is everything I expected it to be. Actually no. I knew that my kids would be my priority and I would have to make sacrifices if I chose to be a mom. The hardest things just get harder every year. I envy Jonathan, who can take off to the mountains without a blink of the eye. I miss riding the horses during the cattle drives. And this year I will miss my favorite place on earth, Blue Lake during the hunting season (and the yummy fish there). And it gets harder each year and will continue to get harder, I will have more kids or be expecting a baby some years. And I miss my husband whose work doesn't always allow him to come home every night. It's hard to be madly in love with your husband and feel like its the first time you are away from each other even though this July we will have been married for 3 years. But I will always try to be with him no matter how many kids. It's not easy going with Jonathan every where. And taking Autumn is hard sometimes, plus having to take care of my pregnant self and to know my limits even though I think I tend to push them for the sake of being strong. Being a mom is hard and its not always a glorious and well thanked job. And there are things that I will not be able to do until the kids are grown. But I look at the pictures up top and say "Actually, I can do alot!" The pictures are of our trip to the Brazos and cabin a week ago (Autumn and me on the 4wheeler and Jonathan and Autumn walking hand in hand). And the picture with the truck and trailer is of us bringing our cows to the lease this last wednesday (I drove the truck and brought lunch). And the picture of Autumn sleeping, I just had to put up because she is my heart and is so precious to me.

I don't think I will be able to do as much with my due date coming up. And after Hunter is born, he will be too young for a little while to go up to the mountains and such. And I will miss it, and it will be hard. But as hard as it is, my rewards will be great in the form of my children and their happiness.